i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
