I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
