I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
