DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
