I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
