3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
