I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just gargled with NyQuil
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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