So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
