doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
