how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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