I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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