Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
