Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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