So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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