I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
