There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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