is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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