If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
