A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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