Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
