Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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