Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
