She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he wants to bone in the snuggie
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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