I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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