Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
