I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
