Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
