Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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