no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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