I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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