but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
