very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
