So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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