i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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