remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
