when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
