Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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