every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
