i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
