Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
