How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
