I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
