Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
