Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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