I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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