i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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