Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
