if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
