your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
