Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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