Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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