i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
