The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
