I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
