oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
