His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
