Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
