I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
