I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
